It's March, yet again. It comes around every year, no matter what. That's the thing about time, it continues to march on, despite any losses or tragedies. Speaking of which, I am awfully surprised at just how quickly time has passed since you have been gone. Tomorrow, at approximately 2:30PM, it will be fifteen whole years since you have passed.
Part of me is kind of in shock that the time went by so fast. I often find myself wondering, "Where did it go?" Just as I often wonder the same thing about the time that continues to turn my little boy into a little man. That's the thing, I find myself lately not mourning for myself so much anymore, but mourning for Syrus, when I think of what could have been. I know you would have loved him so very much and you would have been a stellar grandpa to him.
It's hard to imagine grandma being gone, too. She loved you so much. I hope that wherever you are, the two of you are enjoying a nice traditional Polish meal together, I know how you loved her cooking! I remember her house always smelled of something delicious cooking on the stove, and she would always have a piece of fresh fruit ready for us.
Even though I have let go of the anger that I held onto for so long surrounding the circumstances of how you contracted AIDS, I still feel the pain of your loss. So too does mom and Jess. We all miss you. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if you were still here. Would you be proud of me and Jess?
There is nothing I can say that can bring you back, nor can anything ease the pain of your loss that is still felt to this very day. Time doesn't truly heal all wounds, and I will always feel an empty spot in my heart where my dad is supposed to be. I miss you more than you know, daddy. I wished you were still here with us.
Love always, your daughter,