When we had our son, we knew we wanted to put him into all kinds of activities once he got older. Well, that day is here. He is now in Tiger Scouts, a soccer team, and Sunday School. We wanted to put him into these programs to give him something to do, scouts for learning discipline, soccer for physical activity and Sunday school for spiritual growth. We also wanted to do it for socialization for him.
But now looking back, I'm realizing that I'm the one that wants to be socializing. I want to be that mom, the one who's on the PTO, runs school functions, the soccer mom, the Sunday school teacher's aide. I wanted to make "mom friends." Syrus certainly has no trouble making friends, he is a lovely little boy and everyone seems to like him wherever he goes.
But even at school, there are those "mom cliques," you know what I mean? The moms that dress up to take their children to school, hanging out together, giggling like a gaggle of high school students. Me? I'm in the corner in my pajama pants and sweater. I feel like I cannot relate to other moms. I suppose that it could be the introvert in me, my mental illnesses, low self esteem or chronic illnesses. I know that my self-esteem tells me that nobody is going to like me, so why bother?
I think the other thing that bothers me is that children are starting to ask Syrus questions about his mom. Last week they asked what I had for a job, and Syrus told them I played on the computer all day, bless his little heart. Then, just this morning, he told one of his classmates that mom can't drive, and she screams in his face that his mom is weird. The fact that a kid said it doesn't bother me, kids are going to be kids. But the repercussions Syrus may face because of me? That bothers me to the extreme.
As he gets older, what will his friends say? Will he stand up for me, or will he be embarrassed of me? He's only six years old now, and he comes up and gives me a hug and tells me I'm the best mom in the world, but I know that those days are so fleeting. I think the only real "mom friends" I have are my blogging mom friends, which are awesome.
I talk so much about being "normal," and being a normal mom. But what is normal? I suppose what is normal for me is not normal for other people. My normal isn't your normal, kind of know what I'm getting at? Perhaps someday I will make some friends and become less introverted. Until then, I'll just enjoy my Syrus while he is still young.