Many of you know I have Purely Obsessional OCD, Major Depressive Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Like I've said before, I'm a walking dictionary of acronyms. But last week you could have knocked me over with a feather when my psychiatrist told me I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
WHAT? SOMETHING ELSE?
Needless to say, I was scared, upset, sad, a whole plethora of emotions. My family says I'm not my diagnosis. I know that, or at the very least, I am trying to believe that. I really am. I often wonder why my husband stays with me. But he loves me, despite everything. So, I was put on a new medication, Vraylar, and I'm starting to feel a little bit better.
WHAT IS BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER?
I really didn't know much about BPD until I was diagnosed with it. According to NIH, it is a serious mental illness (although my psychiatrist did say that I have a better grip on mine than most). It consists of not being able to regulate emotions. That explains a lot. I would get upset out of nowhere, over the stupidest things. Impulsive and reckless behavior is another symptom. However, the only place where I'm impulsive is where it comes to shopping. So, I guess that's there. Finally, unstable relationships. No wonder shit went down the hole with my marriage that I'm trying to fix.
WHAT CAUSES IT/DOES IT GO AWAY?
So far, science doesn't know too much about BPD. Environmental factors such as a loss in childhood (losing my dad at 12), or genetics. So who knows where I've gotten mine from. Could be one, could be both. I'll never know. However, with therapy, Cognitive Behavioral/Dialectical Behavioral therapy, along with the right medication, it can feel like it's not even there. But I'm not there yet. I have a therapists appointment on September 1. So we wait until then to see what they suggest I do. My husband even purchased a bunch of books so we could study them and see how to handle the illness.
So, I've taken a step back, and that's why you haven't seen too much of me lately, or why I haven't finished threads. I've been trying to grapple with this new diagnosis.