5 More Reasons My Kid Is Going To Get Me Arrested
We're going way back here, with my first post about kids and how they can be creepy, yet cute. Oh and there was that post about 5 Reasons My Kid Is Going To Get Me Arrested. boy, and instead of only having three things Sy has said this time, I've been collecting them on my computer here in a notepad document. Because some of the things he says are just too much. Absolutely hilarious coming from five-almost-six year old. Not too much has changed from that previous blog post, Syrus still adores talking, and I think once he gets an idea in his head, much like his mother, (cough cough), he seems to get going too fast and mixes up words and things come out and end up sounding creepy. Or at least that's what I'd like to hope!
1. I Wanna Go To The Liquor Store!
Picture it, driving past a liquor store, Syrus asks what it is, we tell him. He then yelled "I WANNA GO TO THE LIQUOR STORE." A loud and audible "WHAT?!" came from my husband, because he couldn't take his eyes off the road, while my head nearly did a 360 degree spin around. "Excuse me, Sy? Why do you want to go to the liquor store?" Ever so innocently, as kids do, he looks at me and goes, "They sell licorice there."
2. It Has A Tiny Pecker
So, before school let out, the kids in Sy's kindergarten class were incubating eggs and waiting for them to hatch into little chicks. Innocent enough. Each day when he came home from school, we'd get a report on the eggs, how they looked, how they turned them so each side would get warmth, etc. Finally, the eggs hatched before school let out. Syrus liked to tell us as he held it how his would "dance," (really just kind of bob it's head). But out of the blue (and I was drinking a soda while he was talking,) he says "It even has a tiny pecker!" Cue spit take. We had to tell him it's called a beak, honey. Not a pecker.
3. I Wanna Eat Some Humans Tonight
I swear we're not raising a cannibal, I swear we're not raising a cannibal. Legitimately, one day, he just randomly made up his own tune and starting skipping around and singing "I wanna eat some humans tonight..." Uh, no. No Syrus, we're a civilized society, and I'm pretty certain we feed you good food. Imagine kneeling down next to your five year-old and saying "We don't eat people, honey." Oh, and just for good measure, he's also said we have a "skin colored car." It's a goldish-tan Ford Taurus. This kid, man. This kid.
4. I Love Being High!
Yep, throwing back to the old blog post, the little guy still says this, no matter how much we tell him to say it in a different way, like, oh, I don't know, maybe "I like standing on this stepstool," or something like that. Yes, he is always supervised. But he'll climb the step-stool on my mother's porch when we're sitting out there, and he yells "I love being high!" Okay, Sy, enough of that for now. Let's go do something else...
5. Grown-Up Drinks!
I honestly and truly cannot remember the context in which this was said. But it might have been graduating from a sippy cup to a big-boy cup. I honestly don't remember. I just remember that he was drinking juice and all of a sudden, he said something like "Little kid's drinks turn into grown-ups drinks." No, honey. No, they don't. We don't have a basement distillery, and even if we did, something tells me that Flashy Fruity Pale Ale Punch wouldn't be a big seller....
These wouldn't necessarily get me arrested, but Syrus has sure come up with some creepy stuff. Take for instance....
1. God Is Dead
Woah. Woah. Stop right there, kid. Nietzsche, is that you? Are you speaking through my son? But putting all jokes aside, we've always wanted Syrus to make his own decision about religion and spirituality. I'm assuming maybe he heard this in school, because I keep my Atheism relegated to mostly myself and the internet. Maybe he has a Facebook page? But anyway, I really do not talk about it in front of Syrus. So I'm not sure where he got this one from.
2. I Wished You Didn't Have Hands, Mommy!
We were watching television together not too long ago, maybe a month or so. I forget what exactly we were watching, yes, it was a kid's program. He only watche Game of Thrones when he does his chores. Not really. But we were watching some children's program, I want to say maybe it was Spongebob Squarepants, or Disney or something. But suddenly, he scoots really close next to me and whispers in my ear, "Mommy, I wished you didn't have hands." Cue mommy backing away slowly. Okay, Syrus. Why? He just said "I don't know," and went on watching television. I'm proud to say that I still have my hands.
So, kids, whoo. They're kinda scary sometimes. But I wouldn't trade my little mini-muffin for the entire world. No matter how weird he is. I think he inherited that from myself and Jeremy. So, really, I should be proud!