Friday, June 17, 2016

To The Father's That Were // Are In My Life

I'm not going to lie here. This is going to be a hard post to write. Ever since I lost my dad at 12, I've hated Father's Day. But now it is felt doubly so with the loss of my stepfather, Dan. I figured that I would write a little tribute to them, how they impacted my life, and how very much I loved them. 


Oh, daddy. There is still that little girl in me that wants her "daddy." But I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm 26 years-old, married, with a child of my own, one that you never got to meet. I think that is what kills me the most, is that you never even got to meet  your own grandchild. I think you would have adored him, and taught him so much. Sometimes it hurts when my father-in-law plays with Syrus, because it could have been you, dad. It could have been. But the past is what it is. We must move forward with our lives, and all that we can do is teach Syrus about his "Pop-Pop." I can only imagine where you are, watching wrestling with nanny, throwing back a beer, with some Grateful Dead on. 


Dan, nine years ago when you came out to live with us, I really didn't like you to tell you the truth. But I think that you knew that. But that quickly changed as we got to know you. You even took us on our first "shopping spree," where we could get new clothes. No one had ever done that for us before. As the years flew by, you taught us so many things, mainly for me, how to be patient and when the right time to talk is, and when it isn't. I'll be honest, we're quickly approaching the anniversary, the first anniversary of your death, and everything has gone to hell. I haven't dealt with losing another father figure in my life. Syrus still asks about you, always asking if you're still his "pal." We told him that you'll always be his pal, no matter what. I hope that wherever you may be, you and your sister are together again and happy. 


Okay, this one is a little easier to write. You're not dead. If I've never said it enough, I appreciate you and what you do for this family. Even though things are shitty right now, I believe in my heart of hearts that they will get better. You are my soulmate, my one true love, my muffin. I love you more than you know, and my world would crumble without you. Syrus looks up to you so much, for advice, to learn, to teach, to play. And you are an incredible father to him. He'll grow up knowing respect, compassion and love. He'll grow up an amazing human being because of you. I hope that he grows up to be just like his daddy, I mean, he already looks just like you. I love you, sweetheart. Happy Father's Day! 

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