Corter Moon: June 2016
Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Climbing Out Of The Hole



I've been very hesitant about writing about this. But I need to get this out somewhere. Mentally, since my step-father died on July 9th last year, things have not been right, with me, with my husband, with my family. I know they say the first year is the hardest, but last time I went through this I was 12. I didn't even know how to process emotions back then. I guess I didn't really feel them. But damn, I am feeling them now. And yes, we are coming up on the year anniversary of his death. I don't know how that happened so fast. How the year flew by. How Syrus will turn six, and be in first grade come September.


So, I've been distant, from everyone. Yes, I had even distanced myself slightly from my own son. Damn it all, I felt like everyone was dying. First my father, than my step-father, then there was a scare with my mother on Memorial Day. I know we're all going to die someday, I get that. I understand that, but I haven't accepted it. 

My mind has been so incredibly messed up since Dan's death. Throw a huge stressor like that at someone with Major Depressive Disorder and OCD? Well, forgive my language, but I was fucked. As the days and months went on, I slowly built a wall around myself. I put myself in a box. I didn't want to let anyone in, I didn't want to share my emotions with them. Long story short, I did some stupid things. My husband and I fought a ton more. We were drifting apart.



Then, on June 9th, the proverbial shit hit the fan. I was angry, because my purely obsessive intrusive thoughts had come back. I was pissed. So I wanted to walk it off. But me being stubborn, told no one what I was doing, and before I was diagnosed, I had a bad habit of walking away, when I wouldn't get back in the car, my husband called the cops on me. I saw his logic, not at the time of course, but now I do. I almost stepped into the road and got hit by a car. He feared for my safety.

I ended up at the emergency room for a psychiatric evaluation, where I was referred to intensive all-day therapy (which I had to quit early, because I've fell quite ill lately). But, my husband was gone. He was moving out, and taking our son with him for the time being. There was a lot of fighting between us over that for a good week. But the hospital had to get DCP&P, DYFS, Child Protection Services, whatever you want to call it, became involved, and my husband became the "Protective Parent," whereas I was the "Alleged Perpetrator." Over my OCD intrusive thoughts, of course. They said they just have to use that language, because of some legal jargon. It still hurts. I've never and would never hurt my son in a million years. I've never laid a hand on my son, nor will I ever. Neither has my husband.



Trust that it kills me that I can only see my beautiful son and husband certain days. My husband and I, are physically separated, but are trying to make our marriage work. I cry at night when no one is awake because my husband isn't beside me. That will subside, I'm sure, as I get used to the situation. It breaks my heart. And this isn't short-term, either. He is going for a paralegal certificate, and we have another good two years or so, unless we magically come into some money where we could live together again. 

I feel like my heart has been ripped into a million pieces. I know that my husband loves me and our son more than anything in his life, and he would do anything for us. I know I will get used to this feeling, and Syrus will get used to being shuttled back and forth. But, I have to focus on getting better, my husband has to work on school, and his own issues. I just wished we could do it together. But when you only make $800 a month, there aren't many options on places to live. So for all intents and purposes, we're separated. We see each other, go out and enjoy our time as a family when he has days off, but it isn't the same.



He's not here. Everytime I think about 2-3 years, I can't even imagine 2-3 weeks. But I'm rambling now. Time to end this shit-show of a post. Has anyone ever dealt with something similar? God, how I wished that we could both work great jobs and make great money and live in a house, have a second child, and be a regular family. Maybe someday, but not today. But slowly, we're going to climb out of this hole, together. On the other side, there will be a beautiful marriage still intact, our handsome boy some years older, and financially stable with our own home.

Note to Jeremy: I know you read my posts. I needed to purge my feelings somewhere. I hope you understand. I love you.


Monday, June 27, 2016

Love Coffee? Check Out These Grind and Brew Coffee Maker Selections!

Grind and Brew Coffee Makers 

 3 Keys and Suggestions




When you wake up with your sleepy eyes and want to open your dizzy mind, then a coffee maker with grinder for tasty coffee is the best choice. Also, grind and brew coffee maker is a superb addition to your kitchen and home appliances. Every morning is a great morning with a cup of coffee that is delicious and homemade. Many of you already have it and many want to purchase one that fulfills the requirement of modern grind and brew coffee maker as well as the quality of coffee that it makes.
First, you need to understand about some key qualities that are necessary for any grind and brew coffee maker. I am describing 3 most important keys that everyone should know to buy a coffee maker with grinder. By having these key points in your mind, you can avoid many disadvantages that you can have after buying a coffee maker with grinder.
  1. Easy Maintenance – A coffee maker with grinder is a difficult machine to buy because of its design and architecture. Almost, every brand designs this machine in the same way, but some models are specifically designed the way that those are easy to maintain. For example, if a model has a grinder right above the brewer, then the steam from the brewing coffee can make a sludgy mess in the grinder box.
  2. Grinder Type – Before buying a coffee maker with grinder, make sure that it has a burr grinder, not a blade grinder. Your concern should be the quality of the taste not the price of the machine. So, make sure that you buy a coffee maker with a burr grinder. This way the taste of coffee changes utterly.
  3. Carafe Type – Make sure that the coffee maker that you buy has a thermal carafe because of the many reasons. If you do not have a thermal carafe, then you may have a burned bitter taste of coffee. It is because, with a normal open pot, the heating plate causes to oxidize the coffee, hence the taste will get changed.
Now, let’s have a look at some coffee machines (suggested by me) for the best taste.

Some Best Coffee Makers with Grinders

These are the top 3 coffee makers with a grinder that you should have in mind while buying a new coffee maker for you. If you are price conscious, then maybe these coffee makers are not for you, but you can memorize the features that these coffee makers have.

Breville BES870XL Barista Express Espresso Machine



It is a $600 machine that has a compact design and fascinating look that can suit every kitchen. Top mentionable features of Breville BES870XL Barista Express Espresso Machine are integrated conical burr grinder, different grinding settings, auto adjusts water temperature, complete cleaning kit included to clean this machine whenever it indicates that it requires cleaning, monitor espresso extraction pressure, stainless steel portafilter, programmable controller, and many others. With these features, you can imagine that this price is not too high.

DeLonghi ESAM3300 Magnifica Automatic Coffee Machine



With the same price as Breville BES870XL, DeLonghi ESAM3300 also has some great features that any coffee lover will love. The worth of this coffee maker is because of a patented Cappuccino System that can make you an outstanding Cappuccino after mixing the steam and milk to make a great creamy froth. The controller is programmable and has a great menu. The adjustable grind setting can grind coffee from coarse to fine according to your need. Similarly, every necessary feature that you can imagine is included in this coffee maker.

Conair Cuisinart DGB-900BC Grind & Brew Automatic Coffeemaker



For those who have a limited budget and still they want to have a great coffee maker, then this coffee maker is perfect for those. The price range is 190$, but the features are complete. The structure of this coffee maker is made of stainless steel and the design is impressive that can decorate your kitchen. If we talk about the features of this machine, then it has some great automatic features. Automatic features like auto shutoff, brew pause, and grind off make this machine worthy enough to buy. The thermal carafe increases the durability of the machine and the quality of coffee taste. Every feature of Conair Cuisinart DGB-900BC coffee maker is remarkable. So, you can grab this machine without any question.




Note: This post was sponsored by BlogDash
Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Why Do I Have Such A Trucker's Mouth? To Cope, Of Course!

I’m just going to come right out and say it. I cuss, a lot. I curse, swear, say naughty words, however you like to put it. I can give the best truckers and sailors out there a run for their money. To me, it’s a natural thing. It’s just a part of my everyday conversation. Most everyone who knows me knows that, though. Yes, I do try to curb it when my son is awake, but I’ve been known to slip every now and then. To me, there is something freeing about it. 



Many people have taken to judging me for my choice of language. I totally respect their opinions. However, I don’t judge them for their choice of clothing, their lifestyle, or anything else. So why is it fair to judge me on how I live my life? Many of these same people have taken it upon themselves to figure out exactly why I curse. I’ve been told at least twenty times that I must talk like that because I am “clearly an angry individual,” or that I “must be lashing out.” I can tell you with 100% certainty that this is not the case at all! I am quite far from an angry individual. 

GRR. I look so angry. 


I used to employ the use of profanity once a week on my Fibromyalgia Support Page, which has branched out to encompass all chronic illness, with a feature called “Fuck Fibro Friday,” where we share a graphic or two expressing our disdain for a certain chronic pain condition. It was the brainchild of a fellow Fibromyalgia friend, and I thought it was a great idea. Many people enjoy it, but some still get upset. Again, I can respect their opinions, but I can’t respect someone who tells me that I am a disgusting, classless, and trashy person, all while calling me rude names. Pot…meet kettle. But, I digress.



I wholeheartedly believe that cursing is just one more item in my wellness toolbox that I choose to employ. I can tell you that it does help with my pain. Sometimes, it is just good to let go and say “Fuck this pain, this is some motherfucking bullshit.” But guess what? I’m not the only one. There have been studies done on the subject, and it has been found that swearing can actually help reduce pain. According to psychologist Timothy Jay, from the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts, who has studied the use of profanities for the past 35 years, using profanity “allows us to vent or express anger, joy, surprise, happiness, it’s like the horn on your car, you can do a lot of things with that, it’s built into you.”

So, I wish you a fucking awesome and totally kickass day! 


Friday, June 17, 2016

To The Father's That Were // Are In My Life

I'm not going to lie here. This is going to be a hard post to write. Ever since I lost my dad at 12, I've hated Father's Day. But now it is felt doubly so with the loss of my stepfather, Dan. I figured that I would write a little tribute to them, how they impacted my life, and how very much I loved them. 

Dad: 



Oh, daddy. There is still that little girl in me that wants her "daddy." But I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm 26 years-old, married, with a child of my own, one that you never got to meet. I think that is what kills me the most, is that you never even got to meet  your own grandchild. I think you would have adored him, and taught him so much. Sometimes it hurts when my father-in-law plays with Syrus, because it could have been you, dad. It could have been. But the past is what it is. We must move forward with our lives, and all that we can do is teach Syrus about his "Pop-Pop." I can only imagine where you are, watching wrestling with nanny, throwing back a beer, with some Grateful Dead on. 

Dan: 



Dan, nine years ago when you came out to live with us, I really didn't like you to tell you the truth. But I think that you knew that. But that quickly changed as we got to know you. You even took us on our first "shopping spree," where we could get new clothes. No one had ever done that for us before. As the years flew by, you taught us so many things, mainly for me, how to be patient and when the right time to talk is, and when it isn't. I'll be honest, we're quickly approaching the anniversary, the first anniversary of your death, and everything has gone to hell. I haven't dealt with losing another father figure in my life. Syrus still asks about you, always asking if you're still his "pal." We told him that you'll always be his pal, no matter what. I hope that wherever you may be, you and your sister are together again and happy. 

Jeremy:



Okay, this one is a little easier to write. You're not dead. If I've never said it enough, I appreciate you and what you do for this family. Even though things are shitty right now, I believe in my heart of hearts that they will get better. You are my soulmate, my one true love, my muffin. I love you more than you know, and my world would crumble without you. Syrus looks up to you so much, for advice, to learn, to teach, to play. And you are an incredible father to him. He'll grow up knowing respect, compassion and love. He'll grow up an amazing human being because of you. I hope that he grows up to be just like his daddy, I mean, he already looks just like you. I love you, sweetheart. Happy Father's Day! 


Thursday, June 16, 2016

L Is For Loathing Laundry No More!

Note: This is a sponsored post for SheSpeaks/P&G

Ugh, the bane of moms and dads around the world, laundry. I mean, if there is absolutely nothing else to do, then sure, maybe it's nice to do. I'm not going to use the word fun. At least not for me. I absolutely loathe doing laundry. Hate it. And with an almost six year old who gets dirty rather often, we really fill up our laundry basket pretty quickly.


For the longest time I have hated doing laundry. That was, until I found Downy Fabric Conditioner. The clothes that I washed always came out just, well, feeling icky still. They felt stiff and, well, I don't want my clothes feeling like that! I would like my clothes to be nice and soft, as well as my son and husband's clothes. So, I was super excited to try it!


Let me tell you, within the very first wash, I could feel a difference. The clothes were WAY softer and felt great to wear. The other thing I love about Downy Fabric Conditioner is that it does not make my son break out like other fabric conditioners! That is a huge plus! Not to mention the awesome smell! I'm a sucker for great smelling clothes. I'm a little weird like that, what can I say? I like nice smelling things!



So, where can you find Downy Fabric Conditioner? I'm glad you asked! You can find it at your local Wal-Mart! We have one right here in town, and I love shopping there! You can find pretty much everything at a discount and they have great deals on household items, clothing, everything. Want to find your local Wal-Mart? Click here!


Wednesday, June 15, 2016

A Genealogy Journey, Concussions and Helicopters, Oh, My!

Well, to say I had an eventful weekend is an understatement. Saturday was my son's last soccer game, so I was pretty pumped about that! So, we went and saw that. He did wonderfully. Afterwards, my husband and I decided to go out for a little bit with Syrus, spend time with just us. Jeremy and I are very much into genealogy, so we often visit cemeteries. We are especially fascinated by the old headstones. Anyway, this is what we decided to do after the soccer game. 


So, as we were walking through the cemetery, we find a few possible relatives. I take snapshots here and there. This was a huge cemetery that we went to. Jer and I weren't far away from each other, but then it happened. I passed out. It's not uncommon for me to pass out, but I usually have a warning. I kind of just dropped, but going down, I hit a gravestone, a cross, no less. Whacked it good. So Jeremy calls the ambulance. They decide to fly me down to Morristown Medical Center, God forbid it be a brain bleed, because I couldn't remember anything after waking up. 


I mean, I've wanted to fly in a helicopter, sorta kinda. But not this way. They strapped me in every which way, put this neck brace on me that I thought was going to choke me. They tried to start an intravenous in the helicopter, while it's rocking back and forth. Blew both veins. But in ten to fifteen minutes we were at the hospital. They put me in the trauma/red zone, because they weren't sure what was going on. Luckily, no brain bleed or swelling. Just a concussion. All good? All good. 



So, I was feeling a bit better, and my husband and I decide to grab dinner at Smashburger. I was starving by then. Then we see a Trader Joe's across the street. Neither of us had ever been to one, so we went in and looked around. To top off our impromptu date night, we shared a banana split. As we're walking to the car, what do I do? Pass out. Repeatedly. There were some very kind people who asked if I needed any help, but we kindly declined. 



Jeremy finally got me to the car, and as we were pulling out of the parking lot, a cop pulls in. As we pull into traffic, his lights go on. Shit. Jeremy thought it was because I wasn't wearing my seatbelt (which I was trying to put on), but someone had to have called 911 even though we declined any help. So, an ambulance was called and I was told by the police that no if's ands or buts, I was going to the hospital because of my lower stomach pain. Two hospitals, one night. Fun. I fell asleep fine that night. Next day, couldn't remember who I was or my husband, or that my dad and stepdad had died. So when I was told that, it was like the trauma hitting me all over again. This kept happening everytime I would pass out. To make a long story short. Four hospitals in three days. And that's why I've been MIA this past week! 


Thursday, June 9, 2016

5 Steps To Regroup After An Emotional Blow

Living with chronic pain is tough. But you already knew that. Everything requires spoons. And, I do mean everything. If you don’t know what I’m talking about by spoons, please click here to read the Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino.

Everything from washing my hair, to feeding my son, to getting dressed in the morning requires me to use just a bit more of my energy reserves for the day. That’s tough stuff to live with. But goddamn it, I get up everyday, and I do it. Then I go to bed, wake up, and do it all over again. But what happens when something happens – something that throws you off, like an emotional blow? Especially when you're living with a mental illness?



Even the littlest things can throw us off our game. We get into a routine, and the minute that routine gets messed up – bam, we’re knocked off the horse. I’ve been dealing personally with some heavy stuff at home, from my stepdad passing a year ago, Syrus being constantly sick, me getting sick, it's been insane, and it hasn’t been easy at home. At times, I can feel the depression creeping its way in, trying to chase what light I have left inside of me out. It’s left me in a bit of a funk. I don’t want to do anything except sleep, I feel as if there is no point to anything.

But there is a small part of me that knows this isn’t the way. I have to get up and keep going. I have to. It’s all about the regroup after being dealt a shitty hand of cards. We’ve got to move forward, no matter what. I just have to believe that.


1. TAKE A STEP BACK



Evaluate your situation. Take a deep breath and take a good hard look at what is going on around you. When you have some extra time, evaluate how you’re feeling, go over what is going on in your life. Mentally tally what is going on, but don’t let yourself get caught up in it, don’t upset yourself.


2. SET GOALS



Goal setting is an imperative step in getting back on the horse again. Set small goals for yourself, like getting dressed or cooking breakfast. It doesn’t have to be anything big. Even the littlest things can boost our self-esteem and help us to feel a bit better.


3. STICK TO A SCHEDULE



This certainly doesn’t sound like the most fun thing to do. I know I am personally an anti-schedule kind of person. I’m more of an organized chaos kind of girl. But when I am trying to bounce back from something, schedules help to get everything back into place. I eventually go back to that organized chaos, but not until I have settled back into a daily routine.


4. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF



This is so, so important. The first person that you need to take care of is yourself. Even and especially if you have children. What good will I be to my child if I am an emotional wreck? If you need help, ask for it. Never be ashamed to ask for help. Even if you only take five minutes to sit quietly and just breathe, do it. Be kind to yourself!


5. GET DISTRACTED



Distractions are an incredibly important part of re-grouping. Stress will just keep compounding on top of stress, and distracting yourself with something to do, like reading a good book or watching your favorite television show, or even coloring will serve to take your mind off the stress in your life, if even only for a little while.

Friday, June 3, 2016

Choosing Organic Baby Gifts For Health Conscious Mums



Image by TheGiantVermin via Flickr

Everyone has one of these friends: an Energizer bunny, ball of energy; soda pop never touches her lips, junk food is anathema to her, and her fridge is filled with fresh fruits and veg from the local farmer’s market. Her daily wardrobe consists of workout gear – because she works out both in the morning and in the afternoon. You’re not even sure you’ve ever seen her in street clothes. And now, she’s about to become a mum.

She’s had the fittest pregnancy of anyone you’ve ever seen – the kind who only carries their baby right in front. From the rear, she doesn’t even look pregnant! You hate her. Just kidding. You love and adore her and want to get her a great gift, but you know that there’s really only one kind of gift to get: something organic. You may not have an idea of what it will consist of, and here’s where this article will be helpful to you. If you want lots of help and to be able to present a gorgeous, already put together gift for her, visit Baby Gift Box in Australia.

This is definitely a throwback situation because up until the last century, most fruits and vegetables were organic, and then the agricultural industry was industrialised. As a reaction, a holistic approach, that was also ecologically balanced, was initiated in the early 1940s. For the uninitiated, it can be confusing, exactly what is organic? If it says “natural” does that mean it’s organic? Sadly, no. In fact, “natural” is entirely a marketing ploy.




It means nothing, actually. There are no rules or regulation for something to be called “natural.” But, organic food, for example, is produced through methods compliant with the standards of organic farming. Worldwide, standards vary. A general way to look at it is that organic foods are generally produced without or greatly reduced pesticides and fertilizers.
In some countries, organic food producers are required a special certification in order to label foods as organic. Organic foods are also generally produced without:

  • Irradiation
  • Industrial solvents
  • Synthetic food additives

In Australia, there are country-wide standards set by NASAA Organic Standard.

A healthy mum will want her baby’s food to be grown without chemicals and pesticides. And she’s in the popular crowd. Organic sales are on a continual rise. For baby gifts, look for products that are natural alternatives (oops, there’s that word, “natural”) to conventional items. The goal is to find products produced without chemicals, toxins and pollutants.

For clothing, look for – because they’re available – 100% cotton and organic cotton clothing. You’ll find it in newborn, baby and toddler clothing. You can find sleeveless, short-sleeved, and long sleeved onesies, which are the absolute must-have of every new parent. Having several in different sizes as the baby grows will be ideal.




Even if a mum is going to breast feed, she’s likely to need bottles at some point. And today, despite the tony names and expense, health conscious mums are going to look for classic, real glass baby bottles – many of the traditional bottle makers – Evenflo and AVENT are now making (Evenflo again) glass baby bottles.

Other appropriately organic gifts are wood hangers for baby clothes (avoid plastic and faux velvet), and our favourite, lambskin hair rugs and blankets.


You have to think outside the box for organic gifts, but not so far out that you can’t find them. Organic baby gifts are out there.

Note:This article is published in partnership with Media Buzzer.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Fly For MPS!



I was recently told about a wonderful campaign that is going on, and we're participating, and you should, too! World MPS Day fell on May 15th this year, and along with Shire Pharmaceuticals, they are putting on this wonderful awareness campaign called #FlyForMPS to raise awareness for MPS. 



MPS stands for  mucopolysaccharidoses. According to MPSDay.org, 
"The mucopolysaccharidoses (MPS) are a group of rare, inherited, metabolic diseases. [Muenzer 2011, p1] People with MPS do not have any, or enough of, a substance (an enzyme) that is needed to break down a sugar, called mucopolysaccharide or glycosaminoglycan. [Haldeman- Englert 2013, p1] As a result, the sugar builds up throughout the body causing damage to cells. [Haldeman-Englert 2013, p1][Muenzer 2011, p1]" There are seven different types of MPS:









The concept is simple! #FlyForMPS is trying to make 20,000,000 air miles and 8,000 connections! You can help them reach this goal! It's as easy as creating a digital paper airplane, or creating your very own paper airplane and fly it! Syrus created his very own, see?

Don't mind him or his face. He found a bruise on his leg and freaked out shortly before this.

Once you are finished with your plane, you can upload it to the #FlyForMPS website! The cool thing is, they even have patterned paper printables that you can print out if you want a decorated paper airplane! All in all, I think this is a pretty awesome campaign to bring awareness to a relatively unknown disease. If you do participate, don't forget to share throughout social media with the hashtag #FlyForMPS