Endometriosis And Relationships

Endometriosis is something that has affected my relationships with not only my friends, because I am not able to see them as often as I'd like to because of the intense pain I always feel, but my familial relationships as well. I'll elaborate. 

I don't know about you, but when I am in pain, especially when it is intense and severe, I get grumpy. I'm not talking run of the mill grumpy, either. I'm talking the kind of grumpy that's if-you-annoy-the-hell-out-of-me-I-will-kick-your-ass kind of grumpy. It sucks. I hate that I get like that. But I have tried to keep it in check as much as I possibly can. But when it feels like there is a tiny tribe of angry demons with knives digging into my lower abdomen, it gets kind of hard, ya know?



The other relationship endometriosis affects is the one I keep with my son. It breaks my heart when he comes up to me and says "Mommy, you hurt?" It makes me feel worse than I already do. However, sometimes Syrus is the only person that can drag me out of my funk, when he'll run up to me, hug me and say "Oh no, mommy. I hope you feel better!" I truly think that there is nothing more incredible in this whole wide world than the love and compassion of a child.

He even tries to play my doctor to help me feel better.

I've beat myself up a lot over the past four years since he has been born. I feel like I am not a good mom. I feel like I can't do things all of the other moms can do. I can't run around or chase him because of the pain. I'm working on it though, the beating myself up over it, that is. I do realize that there are plenty of other ways that I can spend time with him. We can snuggle on the couch and read, we can watch his favorite TV shows together, play games, there are plenty of things that we can do. But every now and again, that nagging feeling crops up. 

Finally, the last relationship that has been affected by endometriosis more than any other is the one that I keep with my husband, Jeremy. Let me tell you, though. That man is an absolute sweetheart. When I am in pain, he dotes on me, makes sure I have plenty of everything I need, lets me rest, takes care of Syrus, always checks on me. He is the most incredible person. But at times, our relationship does suffer due to this pain. Often times, I will take out the pain on him.



They say that you hurt the ones you love most. It makes me sad. I do try to keep myself in check. But there are times when he tries so hard to help, and I just get mad. If the pain gets severe, he automatically wants to run me to the ER so I can get relief. But I know better than to do that. He tells me to just laugh off what the doctors say when they make remarks. But I know better than that. This disease has caused so much strife for not only me, but my family as well. The other thing it does? It really screws up the intimate relationship between my husband and I. I feel like I can't even be a good wife. 

Endometriosis has even damaged the relationship that I have with myself. My self esteem is so low. I only hope that some day soon, there will be something that can relieve this pain, other than the medications I take to control it. I suppose right now, that's all I can hold onto is hope

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