It is a little over a month until my anniversary on May 1. Six years, already! When they say time flies, they sure aren't kidding you. My husband and I met online (read our OKCupid story here!) and it was funny. Most of our dates were just sitting there in silence. But sometimes silence is more powerful than words, I think. We dated for approximately four months until he asked the question "When is the best time to ask someone to get married?" I didn't know he meant me, so I told him "Whenever he felt it was right." Valentine's day 2009, I got him a giant fortune cookie, but he bought me an engagement ring. And that's how it happened. Here we are. Later on that year, in December, we found out we were pregnant with Syrus. But anyway, ah, memories! Here are six things that I have learned from six years of marriage.
1. Fight Nice
Well, we're still working on this one. If we argue, things can get heated, like any couple, you know, yelling, raising our voices. Stuff like that. But we are trying to be better about it, we really are. During certain arguments he or I will just take a step back and take a deep breath and apologize and talk about what triggered the fight. Other times, I have my dad's temper and just walk away. Hey, I still have a little piece of my dad left in me. Like I said, we're still working on it.
2. Marriage Is A Work In Progress
Just like anything else, like life, marriage is a work in progress. It is continually going to change, just as my husband and I continually change and grow as we get older. After we were married and Syrus came into our lives, of course things were different. Bringing a child into the world makes everything different and can turn your world upside down. Granted, we only had a few months of marriage in before I had Syrus (We were married in May and he arrived in August). But new babies bring late nights and little sleep. On top of that, his job at the time was a paper route, so while I was up at 2AM feeding Syrus, he was out delivering papers. But it all eventually balanced out as Sy got older. But it is always and always will continue to grow and change over time.
3. Communication Is Key
Everyone says this. But it is so true. If you don't talk to each other, than what are you doing? There are times that we have caught ourselves in the rut of technology, where we were either both on our computers, tablets or e-readers. That's not talking. That's not communicating. Occasionally, we still fall into this rut. Especially right now because I have to sleep downstairs because I don't want to take another header should I pass out going down the stairs. But we've learned to communicate via things like Facebook or AIM (I know - archaic, right?!). Be open and honest with each other.
4. Don't Let The Marriage Get Stale
You know, like crackers, or bread. When it gets stale, it crumbles. Well, so does the foundation of a marriage if you don't keep things interesting. Find a babysitter, or a family member - I'm sure grandma wouldn't be averse to watching your little one(s)! Then go out! Do something! It doesn't have to be big! Maybe just dinner and a movie, or even a picnic at your local park. Take a walk, talk about what you see. Try out the "Penny Date" idea! There are so many things that you can do with each other. Try to do it at least once a month.
5. Share Household Chores - Have Fun With It!
I know that my husband and I will have fun washing the dishes together, or sweep, vacuum, anything, really. Joke around, make each other giggle. Talk, turn on the music, sing, dance, just have fun with it! I can't tell you how many times my husband has made me laugh while we were doing chores, or when we were moving for instance, he'd make some sort of joke and I would dissolve into a fit of giggles. But he's a pretty funny guy, so even if we're not doing chores, I'm usually laughing when I'm around him, if I'm not in pain. Then if he makes me laugh, I punch him (playfully, of course!).
6. Little Gestures
Even before we were engaged, my husband and I would exchange little love notes with each other. It was just our fun little way of communicating with each other and a way to send a little message of love. We still do that. We even wrote our own vows for our wedding. He's come home with little flowers from walks he took, left me notes in little places where I would find them. Little things like these matter. They really do. They reinforce the love we have for each other, and they keep that spark alive.
To Jeremy: I know you read my blog posts because they show up in your feed. I want you to know, despite my shortcomings (of which there are a lot), my short fuse and my other faults, I want you to know that these past six years have been the best six years of my life. God, even when I'm as sick as sick can be, you don't even bat an eye, you just take care of me. Words will never be able to express the gratitude that I have that you are in my life. I love you, now and forever.