I was up early the other morning because of my ever weak bladder, and it was raining, so that didn't help. But looking out the window, it was an incredible sight. We live right in the heart of Sussex, where we are surrounded by mountains, which we can see from the huge window in our living room. It's that time of year where the changing colors on the trees are so bright and bold that they stand out so beautifully against the backdrop of the gray skies. The sound of the rain has always made me happy, so my husband and I got up and made ourselves a cup of delicious organic coffee and turned on Spotify. This spawned one of our ever-philosophical conversations, as coffee typically does with us. Our love story did begin at Starbucks, after all.
We got to talking about what it's like to be in love with someone. When I was younger, I always thought that being in love was going to be some grand amazing experience that I would hold onto for the rest of my life, in that I would always feel that "feeling," every time I saw the person I was meant to be with. I think that the media has kind of brainwashed us into believing that whole shpiel of "happily ever after." I'm not saying that it can't be ever after, just that the media perpetuates the fantasy of "happily" ever after.
I thought that when I found "the one," that we would have minimal fights, always communicate, and there would always forever be romance and a spark there. Hooboy, was I off the mark. When I first met my husband, we had absolutely zero things to talk about. Our first conversations were mostly about what flavor ice cream we liked. Our second date wasn't much better. He came over to my house and sat in my bedroom in the corner while I looked out the window. It went on like this for two hours. We barely said a word to each other.
And yet, here we are. Married almost five years already. But in those past five years, I've learned quite a few valuable lessons about being in love and staying married. I remember my wedding night - don't worry, no dirty details here. I was six months pregnant and feeling like the Goodyear blimp, and we decided that we were going to Lancaster, PA for our honeymoon, a nice and quiet trip. We also thought that getting married in May would prove to be not too hot and not too cold, but yet again, we were wrong there. It was sweltering hot, and being pregnant, ugh, not a good feeling, because now I was a sweaty blimp. To boot, the air conditioning in our hotel rooms wasn't working. Of course.
There were two separate beds in our hotel room, so that is how our honeymoon was spent, sleeping in separate beds. Totes romantic! I always used to laugh when people told me that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Wrong on yet another count. How awful we were that year. We fought, and fought, and fought and fought. There were times when we thought that we were for sure heading for a divorce. I thought that I wasn't in love because I didn't have those butterflies.
One day, after one of our huge fights, I woke up and started crying. Because I realized something. Being in love doesn't require flutters every time you see that person, nor does it mean that we have to be constantly swept off of our feet. Being in love means that with that one person, you feel whole. Yes, I agree, that sounds horribly cheesy. But it's true. It's really a feeling of contentment, and taking in the little things they do, making us laugh, preparing dinner, stuff like that. I realized that if I didn't have Jeremy in my life, I don't know where I'd be.
I don't mean that in a way of I would die without him, but I believe that he has helped shape me into a better person. If it were not for him, I would have never fully realized my dream of writing in the first place. For that, I will be forever grateful to him. He pushes me to move forward with my life, no matter the hardships I may face. He lifts me up when I am down, and has taught me the value of communicating with one another. In our vows, I promised that I would always be beside him, holding his hand. I only hope that I can provide the invaluable support for him as he has for me.
Marriage is about treating each other as equals within the relationship. Sure, they say that you each have to give 50%, that it's a give and take relationship. At times, sure it probably is that fifty percent. But there are going to be times that your partner will give more of themselves for you, and vice versa. Marriage is about working problems out. Sure, sometimes that requires us to argue before we can get our thoughts straight. That happens to the best of us. What matters at the end of the day is that you're happy. If you feel happy in your relationship, content and loved, then you're golden.
I think that it's time that we re-define being in love.
*I realize that everyone is different, and that the feeling of being in love for one person, may feel different to another. This post is just my opinion and view on the subject.